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(Colin Heffern is a landscape architect and C4 quadriplegic from Colorado injured in a fall in 2004)
Preface from the author: When somebody is paralyzed, most of our thoughts and prayers are for the individual in the bed. They receive the attention, affection, words of appreciation, and accolades at the time of injury, through rehab, and well into later stages of their lives. But what about the others affected, the loved ones at the bedside managing their own grief, pain, and hope while reorganizing and reprioritizing their own lives and homes and struggling to assist their injured loved one? Tragedy affects many we hold dear, and it’s these heroes that often take up new roles and deserve praise. This is for these inspirational guardians.
Ballad of the Caregiver
A primal scream escapes the room
The wail from a woman wide-eyed
“I regret to inform you the seed of your womb,
Your son…he’s paralyzed.”
A protective howl, a defeated gasp
A whimpering snivel and soft plea
“He was a wild horse, we were kindred spirits.
It cannot be. Not to him. Not to me.”
She cannot think nor cry, just act
Though a hole’s torn open inside
With no thought but him she dashes out
Her sole aim a boy and a bedside
She arrives in haste, eyes pained and fried
“Where is he? Where is my son?”
With nothing to hold onto but faith and hope
She finally reaches her loved one
Lashed to a bed, teary eyes shut tight
As a tube breathes oxygen to his lungs
A wild horse tied up and fighting
To hold on to a life so young
“God, why him? Take me instead!”
A paralysis of grief, disbelief, and fear
The pain she felt, his heart did melt
For tragedy touches many you hold dear
She hopes and prays for days and days
As he grapples a body weak and drear
But with prayers unanswered, duty calls
“He’s not dead, get your ass in gear.”
“But I am no caregiver, no aide, no nurse.
How can I be there for my son?”
A million questions run through her mind
And though he didn’t ask, she’s in it for the long run
In rehab, her new role becomes clear
A caregiver, though experience she lacks
She knows a child in need is a thing to heed
“I can learn. Just keep the emotions intact.”
Few days are easy, feelings are hurt
Modesty a luxury they can’t afford
But accept they must for those they trust
Embarrassment is a double edged sword
It’s a struggle at first, a true compromise
But soon they make an unspoken pact
I’m there for you in the thick and thin
And damn it, you’ll still make an impact
Days then weeks and months fly by
And as her comfort as a caregiver grows
She watches a wild horse re-emerge
To escape from the highs and the lows
Too soon he leaves for new pastures
With renewed hope and autonomy
“We’ve done it. I did it. He’s capable.
And I need a vacation, probably.”
As years go by, he comes and goes
His need for help unending
Her devotion unceasing, she plays the part
When new caregivers leave him venting
A caregiver is a revealed identity
In truth, she’d always played that role
For giving a child the tools to succeed
In parenting, that should be the goal
She smiles with pride to see him now
And he smiles right back with joy
The caregiver, a guardian, his mother
That wild horse, a man, her boy
Colin and his family (mom center)
ideas@spinalpedia.com
